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Why Come to a Monastery?
by Ajahn Candasiri
in 29 Jan 2007
 (...previous)  In a sense, what our monastic discipline offers is a container within which one can observe desire as it arises. We deliberately put ourselves into a form which prevents us from following all our desires, in order to see them and to notice how they change. Normally, when we are caught up in the process of desire, there is no sense of objectivity. We tend to be totally identified with it, so it is very difficult to see it clearly or to do anything about it, other than be swept along with it.
So with lust or aversion, we can recognise that these are natural energies or drives, which everyone has. We are not saying that its wrong, say, to have sexual desire or even to follow it in appropriate circumstances but we recognise that it is for a particular purpose, and it will bring about a certain result. As monks and nuns we have decided that we do not want to have children. We also recognise that the pleasure of gratification is only very fleeting, in relation to the possible longer term implications and responsibility. So we choose not to follow sexual desire.
However, this does not mean that we don't experience it that as soon as we shave our heads and put on a robe, we immediately stop experiencing any kind of desire. In fact, what can happen is that our experience of these desires is actually enhanced when we come to a monastery. This is because in lay life we can do all kinds of things to make ourselves feel OK usually without really being aware of what we are doing. Sometimes there is just a subliminal sense of dis-ease, followed by the reaching out to get something to relieve it always moving from one thing to the next. In the monastery it's not so easy to do this any more. We deliberately tie ourselves down in order to look at the drives, energies or desires that would normally keep us moving.
Now you might ask: But what kind of freedom is this? tying oneself down in a situation where one is constantly restrained, always having to conform? Always having to behave in a particular way; to bow in a particular way, and at particular times; to chant at a particular speed and pitch; to sit in a particular place, beside particular people I've been sitting next to or behind Sister Sundara for the past fifteen years! . . What kind of freedom is this?
It brings freedom from the bondage of desire. Rather than helplessly, blindly being pulled along by our desire, we are free to choose to act in ways that are appropriate, in harmony with those around us.
Now it's important to realise that `freedom from desire' doesn't mean `not having desire.' We could feel very guilty and really struggle if we thought like that. As I said before, desire is part of nature, only it has been distorted as a result of our conditioning, our upbringing, the values of society and education. We are not going to get rid of it just like that - just because we want to, or feel that we shouldn't have desire; it's actually a more subtle approach that's required.
The monastic form and precepts help us to make a peaceful space around these desire energies, so that, having arisen, they can burn themselves out. It is a process that takes great humility, because first we have to acknowledge that the desire is there, and that can be very humbling. Often, particularly in monastic life, our desires can be extremely petty; the sense of self can be bound up in something very trivial. For example, it might be that we have a very strong idea about how carrots should be chopped; so if someone suggests that we do it differently we can become very agitated and defensive! So we need to be very patient, very humble.
Fortunately there are some simple reference points, or Refuges, which can provide us with security and a sense of perspective, amid the chaotic world of our desires.
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